Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thursday Weigh-In

Hello again lovelies. As promised, it is time for Thursday Weigh-In. I must be good at maintaining weight because there is no reason why I should have lost even ounce. It was my staycation week. While I did not eat like a hog, I wasn't worried about Weight Watchers or anything like that. In fact burgers, cupcakes, brownies, veggies with ranch dip, and pasta was involved with this week. I did not go spin class (but I went swimming instead). I lost .4 pounds. That puts me at 247.2.  This drives me up a wall because the weeks when I ate like a saint and worked out, which I have not documented saint-like eating behavior because it happened before this blog, I wouldn't drop an ounce let alone nearly half a pound. I'll go with it.

When I post on this blog I try very hard to be honest with myself. I'll write down if I did not go to a work out class or if I did not eat well. Sometimes there is no reason for why I don't do something. Maybe to those who read this I sound like a failure, someone who gives up easily. It's really not the case. Sometimes every day can be a struggle. Some days I do not want to get out of bed because everything seem worse than it really is. Just getting through a day feels like a ton of work. I wasn't sure if I wanted to put this out there, but I feel the need to let others know that they are not alone.

The reason why everyday can be hard is I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2007. Oddly enough it was right after I made it to goal weight when I finally accepted that something was not right. My grades in college started to slip, I started to gain some weight back, and I was always unhappy even though I had everything going for me. My mom finally talked sense into me and I saw my family doctor about it. It was hard to admit that I suffered from depression because there is such a stigma surrounding any kind of mental disorder . Honestly though, you have to think of it this way- if your vision started going bad you'd do whatever you could to fix it. It may mean glasses, contacts, or surgery. If we don't feel good or something is wrong with us we try to find a way to cure it. There is no shame in that; so there should be no shame in finding a way take care of an illness like depression. Something doesn't feel right so I'm finding a way to cure it.

I'm usually really good and I don't have days where life feels like a battle, however it's been hard these past two months. Without work, an income, and a regular schedule it is easy for me to "get lost". Last week was a chance for me to get back on track. I need to focus on not worrying so much about things that are out of my control. Life is pretty good right now when I don't worry like the worry wart I can be.

I don't want anyone to say, "I'm sorry that you go through this." I don't want pity because some people give me that. I don't want anyone to think I'm not capable because that is not the deal at all. Life is much sweeter when you are honest with yourself and being honest about why I have been falling off of the exercise and health wheel these past couple of weeks has made my mind clearer.

Now tomorrow I am looking forward to meeting with a friend at Starbucks so we can talk about teaching 2nd grade. Don't worry I'll order my frappucino light or a skinny vanilla latte.

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