And Oh It Hurts

Hello lovelies. I'm going to try to not be Debbie Downer, but it's kind of difficult. This is a non-weight/health related topic, but I needed to write about it since this blog has become very therapeutic for me.

November 10th is quickly approaching and for those of you who know me well, this coming Saturday was my original wedding date. Since life never works out the way you want it to, my husband and I were married by the Justice of the Peace last December.

 It was thrilling to get married in the spur of the moment. I have never been one for spontaneity when it comes to big life decisions. My hubs and I were wracking our brains this time last year trying to figure out how we would pay for our wedding. The universe was working against us. Nothing was going the way it should have. Clearly seeing how distressed I was my husband suggested we get married without all the bells and whistles and just focus on us. Oh, and he thought we should get married that December. At that moment all that mattered to me was being married to my best friend. So on December 15, 2011 we became husband and wife.

While that moment will be forever one of my sweetest memories I still feel awful about not having the wedding I dreamed of. My wedding dress is still hanging in my grandmother's closet waiting to be worn. I won't lie. I cry when I think of all of the things I didn't get to experience. I didn't have a bridal shower. I didn't have a bachelorette party with my closest gal pals. I never had that first dance with my father.We didn't have a honeymoon. Thinking about it hurts. Pockets of sweet memories to made and kept that I had looked forward to since I was a little girl were just gone in a flash.

In four years my hubs and I plan on having a vow renewal to celebrate our five year wedding anniversary (this December we will be  celebrating our first anniversary). We will celebrate that special anniversary with our closest friends and family. Who knows, maybe a little me or a little hubs will join us on that day. I'll get to take my hubs' breath away when he sees me in my gorgeous dress. I'll get to grin like a simpering little girl seeing him all dressed up in a tux.

We will have that special day. Until then, it still hurts like a dull pain. It won't be the same thing as preparing for the actual day that you get married, but it will still be wonderful. I just hope I can make it happen and that planning the event doesn't fall apart at the seams like it did last year.

This Saturday will be a busy day to keep my mind off of what was supposed to be. I didn't think it would be this bad to face that day, but I was wrong. Hopefully some medieval merriment and friends are the cure.